Inner Struggle
by blu chocobo
Summary: Sadden, shattered, and beatened, Ryou is left with a confused mind and a life of hell because of his yami. But Bakura doesn't seem to care at all, or does he? Ryou's POV. Pairings: BakuraXRyou OCXRyou. Warnings: YAOI, rape, and somewhat OOC, you'll see...
1. the broken hikari

Inner Struggle  
  
Author notes: This is my first fic! . I just wrote this fic from the middle of nowhere, well, at least I'm trying something new.. So plz try to be nice! =_=  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! and their characters blah blah you know..  
  
I stared at the cold reflective glass on the wall, my eyes were sad and full of tears, my arms covered with scratches and bruises. Bite marks lined up along my neck. The large T-shirt I was wearing was covered with blood and stains from who knows where. I continued to stare at the pale face on the mirror; it made me sick.  
  
My legs were covered in dry blood, the pain between my legs kept getting worse. I continued to cry as I fell to my knees. All this was his fault.. my yami's fault. The ring was still around my neck, my hand reached for it. But the mystical glow seemed to react to my touch. I looked up at the mirror again to see my Yami. His cold evil eyes glared back at my innocent sad eyes.  
  
Bakura licked his lips and gave me that strange look again, I hated that look, he just wants to use me, he doesn't care for me, and his heart is as cold as ice. He would never care for a worthless hikari like me, someone who can't fight back. All he ever does was abuse me and turned my life into a living hellhole.  
  
I wanted to be loved by someone, to hug, to kiss, to embrace, and someone to turn to in times of need. But Bakura's definition of love is.. no.. I don't think he even knows what love is. If he "loved" someone or something, he'd take it by force by any means necessary. as for me; it's torture and rape.  
  
He stepped behind me; his hands circled my neck, his fingers played with my hair. Bakura kneed to my height and whispered to my sensitive ear. "You're all mine sweet and innocent hikari.. all mine to touch." Crystal tears continued to run along side of my salty cheek. I didn't want to feel pain anymore; I hated the pain he gives me.  
  
But in my mind somewhere, I still loved Bakura. I can't explain, my young tender heart still yearns for love from my darker side. But I'm afraid. Bakura turned me around; we stared into each other's gaze. He moved closer to my face, I was scared. closing my eyes in fear.. Our mouths were pressed against each other; he slipped his tongue into my mouth. He moaned loudly as his tongue swirled and explored the inside of my mouth.  
  
Bakura pressed his hand on the back of my head closer to his. He forced me into a deeper kiss. My mind was rushing with thoughts and feelings. Should I love him back even after all that abuse? no. he's just using my body, he doesn't care about me.  
  
Bakura separated his lips from mine, and licked his lips. He looked at my frail body from top to bottom and gave a smirk. I continued to shed tears as I lay on the cold floor. Bakura kneeled down to me and lifted my chin with his finger.  
  
"I've broken you enough times this week hikari, shed all the tears for all I care. I'll give you a break. I don't want you dead. But I'll return to have my fun later," He smirked as he gave one final kiss and disappeared in the ring.  
  
I curled into a ball on the cold floor. I sniffed violently and cried uncontrollably. My Yami broke me again.. The one I still have a heart for..  
  
-I'm not sure if I should TRY continuing or let this fic go on its on. It depends on what reviews I get in the end. *sigh I hope you like the story! *doesn't know if it's good or not 


	2. the morning after

Inner Struggle  
  
Author's Notes: *ahem since the reviews weren't so bad, I've  
decided to continue this fic, the problem was, it wasn't  
planned out, so. I created another one from a vivid  
imagination. I'm not sure if this is as good as the last  
chapter *really worried, well, I hope you enjoy reading this  
=^_^=  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, blah blah you got the idea...  
  
Part 2  
  
Hm.. Something feels. soft. like I'm floating on a cloud... wait, where am I? I slowly opened my eyes, a bright flash of light shining through the window showered over my face. I groaned and tried reach over something to block the glow, suddenly pain surged through my arms and chest. I shut my eyes grasping the pain. I couldn't move. I felt like I weigh twice my own body weight.  
  
I lay back on the comforting bed, I slowly opened my eyelids again. where was I? I was on a bed, covered with wrinkled white sheets. I peered over to my arms, they were wrapped in bandages, it seemed it wasn't done very well, some bandages hung loose and not all the wounds were covered.  
  
I looked around the room, my torn clothes laid still on top of the empty liquor bottle, empty beer cans can be seen throughout the room, and the ring remained sitting on top of my drawers next to my dueling deck, on top was the Change Of Hearts.  
  
My dad sent me a letter saying he won't be back for about 6 months. and no one should break into my house.. Maybe. it's Bakura that helped me. but he hates me, why would he fix me up and put me into bed? Even after what he did.  
  
-- FLASHBACK--  
  
Ryou sat silently in front of the ring, its glow grew stronger as he reached for it. "Bakura, please. come out. I want to talk to you..." he whispered in a sad silent tone. Ryou stiffened as he felt a cold mysterious hand massage his shoulders. His Yami breathed coldly into his neck. "What do you want weakling? Shall we go through one of our. lessons. again?" he smirked as he hands roamed their way to Ryou's pants.  
  
Ryou's face grew bright red. Snap out of it baka! He thought. Ryou's hand pulled Bakura's roaming hand away. Bakura's face grew angry. Ryou stared into Bakura's cold eyes, he gathered up all the courage he had. "Bakura, I know you've always been.. odd and you've been trying to get into my pants lately." he stuttered.  
  
"What is it? Say it already!" Bakura shouted impatiently while staring at Ryou's pants. Ryou shook a little to the volume of his Yami's voice. "Bakura, I love you. do you.. love me?" he said in concern. Bakura gleamed at his hikari, and looks like he's about to laugh. Ryou stared at Bakura as he gave a chilling stare.  
  
Suddenly Ryou was slammed into the wall, pain rushed up to his head. Bakura gripped onto Ryou's collar and lifted him up into the air. "You fool, you'd think I'd ever love you!? You're a little weak hikari, can't even give a good fight. You're useless! The only good thing you're useful for is a bed slave!" he yelled back the frightened child.  
  
He dropped the shaking and shivering hikari to the rug. Bakura kneed down to the shocked hikari started to suck on his neck. Ryou shut his eyes and tried to look away, "Then why. why are you doing this.?" the young boy whimpered. Bakura moved the boy's head until their eyes met, "I'd like to break your innocence." he grinned.  
  
Ryou's eyes were filled with fear. He pushed Bakura off of him and stumbled to the door, but Bakura caught up fast and locked the door. He threw Ryou to the bed and pinned him on the bottom. "Let's began shall we.?" He whispered in a sinister tone. Bakura pulled Ryou in a deep rough kiss.  
  
--END FLASHBACK--  
  
I sat silently staring at my wounds..Why the hell would he care for me?! Tears flooded my eyes again, why do I have to be so weak? Why does everything have to be so damn horrible for me? Nobody cares for me. My eyes wondered over to a knife on the floor underneath my desk..  
  
-I'm still working on my next chapter.. Tell me what you think.. *worried as usual 


	3. knives and blood

Inner Struggle  
  
Author's Notes: Once again, I work with vivid imagination  
*thinks of yaoi images* I wanna say thank you to all those who  
had reviewed! They really get me motivated to continue to write!  
*gives reviewers a box of chocolates* *ahem, I should say I  
should give some credit to my sister for this chapter b/c she  
give me some ideas. anyways, enjoy the story! =^_^=  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, I only own this story and my  
imagination =U_U=  
  
Part 3  
  
I continued to gaze at the rusty silver blade. My heartbeat grew faster, my eyes became unfocused. I fell back on the bed groaning in pain. My wounded arms weren't strong enough to support my body.. My legs can't carry me very far. I wanted to get the blade, but it seemed so far away.  
  
Ignoring the pain, I pushed myself off the bed, losing my balance; I stumbled and landed right on my left arm. I yelped in agony as I rolled quickly on my back. My face was red and I kept breathing faster. What was I doing? I just fell off the bed in great injury and the pain seemed to be the only thing I can think of. Am I that weak?  
  
I forced myself on my stomach and face towards the blade. With all my might, I pulled myself over. I whisper to myself. "It'll all be over soon. it'll all be over soon." Trials of blood and loose bandages were left behind me as I reached for the knife.  
  
Bakura doesn't care for me. and I hate the world I live in. I want to end this misery once and for all. My fragile hands gripped the edge of the knife; the blade still had fresh blood and saliva. ... Bakura must be cutting himself again, I don't see how he enjoys that, slicing the skin and bleeding constantly. I peered over to some of my open wounds. my scars and cuts weren't by choice.  
  
--FLASHBACK--  
  
"Where do you think you're going?" the evil Yami asked in his usual sinister tone. The Yami was lying on the couch and tossing his favorite knife in the air, Ryou shuddered and quickly turned his head. "Um. uh. I have to finish my homework!" he blurted and quickly dashed up the stairs. Bakura smiled and got on his feet and chased after the panicking hikari, with the knife in hand.  
  
Ryou didn't care where he was running to, he kept running until he felt Bakura's weight tackle him to the ground. "Please Bakura! Please don't do this to me! I love you! " Ryou begged as he was tossed over Bakura's shoulders. "Come on weakling, I'm bored, and I haven't tasted any blood for two days," Bakura announced as he carried the frightened hikari into the bedroom.  
  
Ryou was tossed on the blood stained bed. Bakura leaned forward to the youth's face, smiled, and forced Ryou on his lap. The weapon's edge touched the boy's soft sensitive skin, and then fingers forced the blade to go into the skin. Ryou screamed in agony as blood flowed from his right arm. Bakura held the screaming boy in his arms, "So beautiful." he whispered, as he licked the blood off the blade.  
  
The knife continued to slice and cut the poor silver-haired hikari's arms, thick red blood continued to drip on the bed and the floor. Bakura's hands went under Ryou's shirt, and began to tear it off, exposing the boy's chest to the cold air. The young boy shivered and backed himself against his crazy yami.  
  
Ryou's behind rubbed against Bakura's groan, which only got him more aroused. The tomb robber's fingers pulled Ryou's remaining clothes off leaving the shaking hikari naked as the day he as born. The sinister eyes gazed at the pale angel in his arms, "Just so. beautiful, and you're all mine." he whispered, as keeps cutting into the hikari's skin.  
  
Ryou continued to yelp weakly in pain as blood trickles to the ground. Suddenly he stopped whimpering and closed his sadden eyes and leaned his head to his yami's broad shoulders. Bakura looked at the crimson red ground, he assumed it was too much blood loss. "Damn it, I like it better when he was awake and screaming, that way it'd be more pleasurable." he mumbled.  
  
--END FLASHBACK--  
  
My shaky hands were able to grip hold of the knife. My frail body can't take any more of this, my heart can't go on living knowing the one I love doesn't love me back. I held the knife at my throat.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE DOING BAKA HIKARI???" yelled Bakura as he appeared from the ring, he ran up to me and snatched the knife from my frail hands. I continued to stare at the ground, not saying a word. "Well?" he asked angrily. He should know the reason why, after what he did to me, many times, you'd think he'd realize how much I've been hurt these past weeks.  
  
I was lifted in the air; his hands gripped the collar of my shirt, real tight. "Don't you ever do that ever again! Unless you want ME to kill you!" He shouted at my face. I lowered my head, my hair covered my pale sadden face. "Isn't that what you want?" I asked, as a tear ran down my cheek.  
  
Bakura's face looked unsure, he mumbled some things and "softly" tossed me on the bed. I saw him disappear into the ring. I sat on the bed, waiting for his return.  
  
- *ahem, let me know what you think! I like getting reviews! =^_^= *trying to act a bit more confident, oh yeah, if you have free time, feel free to go to fictionpress.net under my pen name and read some of my old original work, like "Winter Wings" and the parody version of it by my sister *gets a shotgun. 


	4. can't think of a title

Inner Struggle  
  
Author's Notes: Sorry I haven't updated this fic for a while!  
=_= I had to do these labs in my IPS class, and prepare for  
the final exams.. And my brain needs plenty of rest! *ahem* I  
still work w/ the whole imagination thing and it's slowly  
fading.gotta get it back! *grabs a net*  
  
I would like to say thanks to all those who reviewed this fic! They really motivated me to continue the story! *hands the reviewers a box of chocolates*  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, I only own this fic and my  
notes to prepare for the exams..  
  
Part 4  
  
Sadly enough, Bakura hasn't bothered responding to my calls through our mind link. I muttered as I looked through my drawers looking for some clothes that hasn't been torn in the past week. Why bother having a mind link if he never talks to me through it, he only uses it to taunt me in my sleep or threatens commands to kill the pharaoh.  
  
I slowly got dressed into a blue school uniform, my wounds were covered under the sleeves. My injuries have gotten better in the past few days, I could move my arm around without falling in pain, and I was able to walk around without any support.  
  
.These injuries were cause by my own Yami, and he hasn't contacted me, and his way of showing love. is. awkward. I bet he's ignoring me, I wonder why.? .Hell, I don't care if he never talks to me! I'd be better off without him!  
  
That thought brought shivers up my spine. What the hell am I talking about? I need him! If he's not there, I feel like I'm missing a part of myself, the space occupied by my yami would feel empty. I yearn for his voice, his face, and his love, but at the same time, I'm afraid of his anger, and his yearn for flesh and blood.  
  
"Oh Ra, Why does life have to be complicating?" I mumbled, as I finished putting on my uniform. I picked up my books and papers and stuff them into my case. I missed school for a few days; I guess it wasn't as bad as the last time Bakura leashed out on me.  
  
I finished brushing the tangles out of my long snow thick hair, and head out of the room. I stopped, I felt like I forgot something. I gleamed back in my bedroom, the mystical ring sat on my wooden desk. Should I bring it with me.? Nah, he probably won't know I'm not there, not like he'd come out to see me anyways.  
  
I sighed, stepping outside, and locking the door behind me, like my dad said. I walked on the sidewalk in the direction of the school. My legs were still a bit sluggish, my tiny steps almost made me late for my first day back.  
  
I managed to get into my homeroom in the last few minutes. I collapsed in my seat and sighed. I looked up to see Yugi and his friends around me. "Oh, hello," I greeted as I forced on a weak smile.  
  
"Where've you been the last few days Ryou?" asked Joey as he sat on a chair backwards and putting his hand on his arms. Joey, he was usually a very cheery guy, his mind set on beating Kaiba, but now he seems worried and overwhelmed with something. I guess he would be, I haven't come to school everyday like I used to.  
  
I looked at Yugi, Tristain, and Tea. Their faces had the same expression as Joey; I guess they're worried about me too. It's nice to know you have friends, but I can't tell them how Bakura abuses me, or who knows how angry he can get. It'd only make things worse.  
  
I thought up of a quick excuse. " I caught a flu, nothing too serious" I said weakly. Yugi's face looked serious as he examined my face, he was about to say something, but the teacher came and we had to get back in our seats to prepare for class.  
  
Paying attention is class was extremely difficult. I had this bad unnerving feeling wheezing in my stomach, I guess because of the fact that I haven't ate much the past few days. It was impossible to cook myself a good meal in the condition I was in, and the microwave was. destroyed the last time Bakura "attempted" to cook himself a piece of frozen chicken.  
  
Each minute feels like an hour, and every second on the clock made me feel very impatient. When it was lunchtime, I scrambled to buy lunch, and ate every single crumb on the tray. I savored the taste of the melting cheese pizza; my stomach was able to relax after calling out to me for food.  
  
Yugi, Joey, Tristain and Tea stared at me gobbling down my lunch. "Ryou, you know that the school's pizza tastes horrible, I hear they put rat poison in the pasta.that's what makes it taste like cardboard." Tristain said with an uneasy look. We all stared at him for a minute. Yugi interrupted the silence, "Ryou, is there something wrong?"  
  
I looked up from my lunch, "No. nothing. nothing really. it's just, I'm still a bit tired, but I'm ok," I replied forcing a smile. Tea patted my back, "Don't worry, if there's something wrong, we'll be right here for ya!" she giggled.  
  
I sighed; I doubt they can help me. I'm alone in this situation. Tea's a good friend, sometimes she goes a little too far in the whole friendship thing, but she's ok. Yugi still had that worried face on, it makes me wonder. how come his Yami was nicer and gentler with him, and mine is. a bit crazy and suicidal? I guess fate is against me from having a "normal" life.  
  
It was class again. the last class before I go home, where the ring still sits. My teacher, he always stares at me, he gives me the creeps, but not nearly as scary as Bakura. Hm. speaking of scary. I wonder what's Bakura going to do when I get home.?  
  
I decided to walk with my friends and head off home. I noticed a raindrop landed on my nose, I gulped. I haven't watched the news lately, and I don't have an umbrella. Pouring rain soon devoured me; I quickly sprinted to my house, which was only a few blocks away.  
  
I scrambled to get my keys out to unlock the door. only to realize, it's already opened. Fear swallowed my soul, who knows what lies before me through those doors? I gathered up the last ounce of my remaining courage and stepped in the dark empty home.  
  
I slowly looked around the unlit room, my eyes glued on the ring on the couch, then to the angry glare, it seems like the eyes could spark a flame and cause a hell lot of chaos.  
  
I shivered in fear, he was giving me that look again. what did I do this time?  
  
- I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I don't think this is a great chapter. it's not great *sigh, though I'm not sure what to write next. I have some ideas. oh well, I'll write them down later. =^_^= review? (need a bit more angst..) 


	5. the illusion of warmth

Inner Struggle  
  
Author's Notes: *ahem* sorry this took a while! I did try  
updating this sometime this week, but I had to prepare my French-  
speaking exam that time. Plus while doing my labs, I spilled the  
unknown chemical on my arm and we accidentally got our beaker on  
fire. .ouch.  
  
Anyways, I hard a really difficult time deciding how the next  
chapter will go. and deciding what the plot was. I need to relax  
more.  
  
I'd like to say thanks to malik-ishtar67, Bakura's Baby,  
Moshi, Shadow Faerie, noname, Kyleina-Horatio, ha ha ha, George  
the Stalker, Esaema, Yamis Girlfriend, Queen of Eternal Darkness  
and everyone else who reviewed! You're all very nice dropping by  
and reading! =^_^=  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, I only own this fic and my  
little cat Yoshi! Awww *hugs Yoshi  
  
Part 5  
  
The shadow advanced closer to me. Flames of fury glowed in his narrow sinister eyes. Sweat drops dripped on the side of his cheek. I can hear the harsh tone in his breath. His eyes examined my soak damp wet body.  
  
My hair hung loose on my face. My legs were shivering in fear as I backed up to the wall. He slowly advanced toward me. His hot sweaty body pressed against my fragile body. He lowered his head; I could smell the strong odor of alcohol and liquor in his breath.  
  
"Love, is just a minor illusion distracting you from the harsh reality of hate," he whispered as his hands start to roam under my damp uniform. His fingers played with my pale chest. Sensitive tingles reacted in my body, and a bright red blush spread across my cheek. He lifted my chin until our eyes met, only inches apart.  
  
"Love is a weakness hikari, I won't fall for such a weakness," He whispered. Tears dripped on the side on my cheek, his fingers gripped on to my chin tighter, "So beautiful. so fragile.. Can be broken so easily."  
  
He pulled me into a rough kiss, I gasped for air, but he took advantage and pushed his tongue into my mouth. He moaned deeply enjoying the pleasures swirling in our mouths.  
  
Bakura slipped the tongue out of my mouth, and backed up away from me. I was able to relax, and let my tensions cool down. But his arms yanked me and held me off the ground, one hand supporting my back, the other holding my knees. My yami cradled me in his arms, and dashed over to my bedroom. I guess I did something really bad.  
  
He entered my room, walking across the blood stained rug and empty liquor bottles. Rain continues to hit the window in a continuous rhythm. He threw me on the blood stained bed, the yami crawled over to my shaken body.  
  
His hand found their way to my pants; they tore the soak clothes that hung dearly to my pale skin. His other slipped from underneath my uniform, playing and pinching my chest.  
  
I continue to blush brightly under his touch, but I tried to stare away. I felt a large slap go across my face, the stinging pain causing me to yelp. "Look at me baka hikari!" He yelled, as he prepared another slap. Holding my bruised slap mark, I slowly faced his direction; my eyes were red from a shed of tear.  
  
His rough yet gentle fingers held my chin up to his face, "Fear, your eyes show lots of fear, you're scared, afraid. and what are you so afraid of?" He asked with his seductive sly voice.  
  
I continue to stare, gulping, not knowing what to say, what am I afraid of? Am I really scared of my own yami? Bakura can be scary, unpredictable at times, and very devious. If I'm so scared of my own yami, why do I still love him?  
  
I looked up at the demon's eyes, "Bakura. I'm afraid. that'd you never love me," My soft chocolate eyes gave a worried look, afraid of his reaction. He never reacts too well with words. I felt another slap come across my face.  
  
"I don't believe in the whole love bullshit crap!" he screamed, he backed up to my legs, and positioned himself between my two wounded legs. "But I do believe one must be the master while the other suffer," he smirked.  
  
My eyes widen as Bakura entered me violently. Bakura moaned in pleasure as he moved in and out of my weakening body. My hands clenched on the dirty bed sheets and pillows as I screamed in pain. His hands played with my member as he continues to thrusts in me. My mind was pleading to my yami to stop.  
  
What seemed like forever finally ended when my yami collapsed on top of me. I breathed heavenly as my chest heaved up and down. I closed my tired eyelids and tried to sleep the pain away.  
  
Before I fell into a deep slumber, I heard a voice. it echoed in my mind, or was it real? The voice whispered, "You. just don't understand. you can't love me."  
  
Deep inside, I feel like an empty glass, a dirty broken stained glass, feeling so empty, looking for someone to share my heart with. Oh Bakura, why can't you love me? What is it that I don't understand? Is it because I'm a weakling? Is it because your heart is once shattered? Or is it because we're both halves? Light and dark, one of the same.  
  
Your thoughts are bobbled up in that mind of yours, you never let me hear what you think, how you feel, only to leash out the anger that escapes through the palm of your fists. I sniffled silently and let the droplets roll off my face.  
  
My mind snapped back to reality as I felt a hand caressing my face, wiping a tear off my sniffling eyes. That touch. was gentle; it was warm, oh that warmth, if only I can feel it again. I stiffened as I felt those fingers leave my shattered face.  
  
I heard the footsteps fading away, leaving me here, alone. I peeked one of my eyes open, only to see the shadowy figure shut the door behind him. The dark room made it impossible to see him. My tired eyes forced my eyes shut, and my mind dozed off into a hazy dream. Bakura.. I need you.  
  
- *Runs around* I have no idea if this is good! I was trying to be a bit more angsty, even if I'm not much of an angsty person myself! Gee, I'm acting like this is an essay I'll have to turn in. *ahem* I hope you enjoy this weird chapter of Inner Struggle! If you have any suggestions, I'll listen, I still deciding my next chapter. =^_^= 


	6. confession and tears

Inner Struggle  
  
Author's Notes: I had a BIG writers block, I did write one  
earlier, but it really didn't fit into the story, so I had to  
remake it. Since this isn't planned out, I have no idea where I  
should stop or continue! *sigh* I'm sorry this took a while to  
update, plus fanfiction.net was experiencing some difficulties  
when I couldn't upload anything. Oh well, that doesn't matter.  
  
Now exams are over! Yay! Don't have to worry about school  
for a while now do we? Maybe I should concentrate on this fic..  
  
I would like to say thanks to all those who reviewed! They  
encourage me to use my brain! *Grabs my cat and hugs it*  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh and their bishounen. *hugs Ryou*  
  
Part 6  
  
Outside my window, I could hear the raindrops slipping off the tree leaves and hitting the moist dirt. The misty air brought chills up my spine; I shivered violently as I wrapped the bed sheet around my small body.  
  
The bright light flashed from the open window, again. I made a mental note: Do something about that stupid window. I turned myself over to avoid more light; I tried to go back to a dreamy slumber, until I noticed someone was breathing my face.  
  
I could smell that same alcoholic breath at my face, the snore coming from the sleeping robber was soft and low. His silvery hair hung low on his redden face. I looked over to his arms, which was holding some of his usual beer bottles; I always wonder where the hell does he get these things.  
  
The bed had the smell of blood, juices, and alcohol all over it. The sheets were in the same condition as well. Sheesh, can't anything stay clean around here? I lay still as my yami started to moan and moving closer to my naked flesh.  
  
I felt his hot sweating skin rubbed over my shivering pale skin. He was naked. Why is he naked in the same bed as me in the morning? He usually never stays with me; I'm usually alone when I wake. Maybe he has a heart within his cold sinister body, or it could be the fact that he just drank too much, again.  
  
His strong warm arms wrapped around my small body. My eyes were in shock; I gleamed at his face to check if he's awake. A smile curled up on his lips, but his eyes looked calm, and closed. I didn't care if he's awake or not, it feels nice to be in his arms.  
  
I laid my head on his muscled chest, and snuggled at his neck. A warm feeling came over me. My heart was fulfilled with emotions, telling me he's the one who raped me, and he's the one I love. I wish I could be in his embrace forever, every worry or problem seemed to just flatter away.  
  
I closed my eyes, enjoying every minute of this heavenly moment. It won't be long when Bakura would wake up with his usual crazy hangovers. I gazed at his sleeping face, Bakura, he looks so gentle when he's asleep, it's rare to see him like this. He reminds me of a sleeping kitten, expect the fact about his hair flying in all directions.  
  
I looked at his lips, partly open as he continues to breath into my face. My heart beats faster, my face drowned in another pool of red. I have to control my blushing! I continued to gaze into his face.  
  
I shifted myself closer to him; our lips were only a few inches apart. I've always wanted to kiss him, not the ones he would kiss me violently making my lips bleed or bruising the already tender mouth. Just one small kiss, a soft easy-going kiss that Bakura wouldn't notice.  
  
I press my mouth to his, I closed my eyes, I'd probably never get a chance to do this I told myself. My yami's fingers lingered behind my head, and pressed our faces closer. My eyes popped open, Bakura's awake?  
  
Our lips separated, a string of saliva split between us. Frightened, I looked down, letting my snowy hair hang loose on my face. He always told me never to look directly into his eyes unless he tells me so. I curled myself in the messy bed sheets, waiting for his words of hatred.  
  
"Hikari. " he whispered, his voice, it was rather gentle, not the harsh and rough. He sounded differently, like he was pleading for my attention. His hand lifted my chin until our eyes met.  
  
His eyes, they seem rather soft; neither sinister or fire glowed in rage inside those pupils. I gazed at his face, is he trying to play a trick on me? Wait, he's not that good of an actor. Maybe Bakura's become. gentler, but all in one night? Is that possible for an old spirit? He's always been mean, selfish, and well. crazy.  
  
"I've always loved you.. but," he whispered sadly. Did he just say he loved me? BAKURA said he loved me? It's my insane yami here, the one who's been torturing me the past couple years, the one who's been abusing me, and. the one I love.  
  
"But, we can't be lovers, I mean, I'm the yami, you're the hikari, and we're not supposed to be together!" He shouted as he turned away. My eyes began to flood in tears, "Why not?" I sniffed, "There aren't any rules about something like that." I crawled on his lap and leaned in to his face. "I love you Bakura, can't you leave it that?" I whimpered.  
  
The tomb robber's face turned serious, "Look Ryou, I'm supposed to be your protector! All I've been doing to do is torture and rape you, I made you suffer and scared you half to death." He said in a cold tune.  
  
I looked at his expression, "That really doesn't matter to me," I whispered. My Yami stood up, sweat clung to the tanned naked flesh. "You don't get it do you Ryou!? I just, can't love you or anyone! It's a damn illusion! Argh, I don't want to believe-!" He yelled as his hands gripped tightly in his hair.  
  
The tomb robber walked over the ring sitting on the tabletop, "It's a damn weakness! It's a damn weakness!" He yelled as he disappeared into the ring, My legs forced me up and ran toward him. "Wait Bakura!" I pleaded as tears sparkled away from my face. The ring glowed brightly.  
  
I grabbed the ring, "Bakura!" I cried out, as I fell on my knees. Sniffling and pressed the ring to my chest. "Bakura." I repeated in a sad lifeless tone. "Come back." I sat on the dirty rug, crying, thinking, what the hell happened?  
  
Something must be bothering my yami, he thinks love is a weakness, and he's not supposed to fall in love with his own light. I wish I can talk to Bakura, help him with his problems, but I'll only be a burden for him.  
  
I pushed myself up onto the bed, ignoring the dirtiness. I curled up with the ring in my arms. My body feels weak; I can't do very much in this shape. But if I don't go to school, people would suspect this, especially Yugi. His Yami can send Bakura to the shadow realm.  
  
I peered over to the time.. I only have about half an hour till school starts. My mind's telling me to go, but my body's too weak to respond. But too much happened today, I can't go to school in this condition and the teachers would notice how sick I acted, and send me to the nurse.  
  
Hell with it, I can't go even if I tried, I just can't go today. Suddenly I heard some voices. coming from outside my house. "Ryou! Are you there?" Tristain's voice echoed. "Hey! Ryou! Wake up!" shouted Joey.  
  
"Guys, maybe Ryou's not home," said Yugi, "Let's try after school." I stood up in bed, hearing the shouts from my friends. I didn't bother to respond, plus my throat was still sore from the lack of water. I curled back into the bed, sleeping the day away while holding the ring in my arms. Bakura.  
  
- I wonder what the hell am I doing? Please tell me what you think! I need some ideas, real bad! I don't know if this is any good either. (maybe b/c I'm typing this chapter to 2:15 am in the morning) And too much rain and too much hot weather's driving me crazy! *runs around shooting everything with her shotgun* um. read and review? 


	7. nightmares and homework

Inner Struggle  
  
Author's Notes: Sorry I haven't updated in a very, very long  
time. I've been over my friend's house, then my cousin's, then  
my uncle's. Everything's been a bit hectic, I couldn't write up  
my story anywhere but home. I kept thinking and thinking of my  
next chapter, I kept running to dead ends, so. I'm going to do  
the "make up the story as I go" routine.  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, but I do own volume 1 and 2 of  
the D.N. Angel manga I bought in New York =^_^=  
  
Part 7  
  
The world around me seemed distance, I felt scared, alone. I looked over my shoulder. Bakura, he's standing there, tall and silent. His hair points to the ground like daggers on a ceiling. But his eyes, something seemed different; he's calm, and sad. "Bakura!" I called out to him.  
  
He turned away from me, and started walking into nothingness. "You'll never understand." he whispered in a deep low voice as he trailed farther in the darkness. Trails of tears ran down my face as my eyes widen in fear. I slowly pulled myself up and ran toward the fading yami.  
  
"Bakura! Come back! I don't care what you did to me, just don't leave me alone!" I shouted in the distance. Gravity seemed to have got the best of me as I collapsed on the dark empty ground. I wanted to shout to him, but my mouth seemed to have gone mute, nothing came out.  
  
I watched helplessly on the floor watching the only one I ever loved walking away from my life. Shrouds of clouds flowed from behind me as I kneeled to the ground, sniffling over Bakura.  
  
My eyes snapped open as the phone rang loudly into my ears. I muffled into the fluffy pillow hoping it'd stop ringing. It didn't seem like the caller would stop, so I slowly moved over to the phone, and picked it up. "This is the Bakura residence, who's calling?" I moaned.  
  
"Ryou? Is that you? Were you asleep? I'm sorry" Yugi's voice said. I pulled myself up so I'm sitting on the bed, "Yeah, it's me, don't worry about waking me up, I'll have to get up eventually," I yawned. Actually, I'm glad he woke me up; I thought all that was real, or was it?  
  
"Well, The reason why I called is why weren't you at school lately, it's not like you to miss school this often," he said. There was silence on the phone, I know Yugi's not the type to fall for some lame excuse. I can't keep saying I'm sick, then it'll seem like I'm ill everyday.  
  
"I'll tell you later about, just not right now." I whispered. "Uh. I got your schoolwork, do you want me to come over to give it to you? You can explain when I'm over there," he said in a cheerful tune.  
  
I stared into the phone, if I said no, it'd be very rude, plus he'd be more suspicious, maybe I could tell him, after all, he understands what's it like to have a yami, but his is much less cruel and his could send away my yami.  
  
". Uh. Ryou? Are you there? Should I come?" asked Yugi. Snapping out of my thoughts, "Sure, I need to catch up on my schoolwork anyways," I said in my usual British accent.  
  
"Okay Ryou! I'll be there in thirty minutes! Just me and you!" The voice cheered, and a click followed. My hands put the phone down. Should I really tell him what's going on? I just can't hold all these thoughts in my head.  
  
I looked down at the ring on my chest, something didn't seem right. The millennium item seemed. empty. Wait, if Bakura's not here.where is he?  
  
Wearing only my T-shirt and shorts, I hopped off the bed and dashed into the living room. He wasn't there, but. the front door's open. My eyes widen in shock as a large hand covered my mouth, the other holding me tightly against the attacker's body. I heard the front door slam shut and myself carried into the living room.  
  
I struggled and kicked in the air, muffling anything that sounds like help through the enemy's gloves. The attacker's arms held on to my tighter, making it harder to breath. "Shut up weakling!" A large slap came across my face, leaving a red mark on my soft cheeks.  
  
I felt a handkerchief wrapped around my eyes, leaving me blind and helpless. My hands were held together behind my back by a very thick rope. The attacker pushed me down to the ground on my knees.  
  
I heard a zipper, the hand grabbed a flock of my hair, and pushed my head down. The disgusting taste of the beast entered my mouth, my mind wanted to scream. The rapist moaned as he gripped tightly on my hair, pushing in and out of my small mouth.  
  
Where are you Bakura!? Why did you leave me when I needed you the most? I felt myself pushed to the ground, hands pulled off my sky blue shorts. I was helpless, I felt the man entered me, I felt like I was being split apart, the old wounds come sprouting back into my system. I screamed as loud as my voice can take me.  
  
The man stopped groaning after I heard a glass clashed. The pieces shattered over my skin. The floor had a mixture of my blood and his. I could hear the man's cries of pain as punches and kicks landed on his side.  
  
I felt the handkerchief leave my face, my eyes flatter opened, to see. Bakura. My face was filled with joy, "Bakura." I whispered weakly as I leaned on his chest. Everything seemed to flatter away. I didn't care if he's late, to know he's returned makes me feel satisfied.  
  
- *Ahem* let me know how u like it, I hope I'm not making the story too weird or anything! =_= Let me know how you think! *gets a shotgun* I really should edit more and look over the chapter b4 I post it.. *hugs Ryou* 


	8. heart's revival

Inner Struggle  
  
Author's Notes: It's been.about 4 months since I last updated,  
and now finally, I actually updated this fic!!! French and  
English gives a lot of homework and I kept spending my extra  
time drawing up mini comics and reading other people's fics.  
Gah! I'm no good at keeping track of things!  
  
Plus I received my first flame on my Inuyasha fic... *cries* I  
tried to be strong! Okay! Before you read the fic.. *tosses a  
shotgun over* Feel free the shoot me in the head, I don't think  
I did a good job with the fic.  
  
Disclaimers: Yay! I got the Yu-Gi-Oh manga volume one! I own that,  
but not the series itself.  
  
A bit of warning: Bakura's OOC, and I can't think of anything else  
to point out.  
  
Part 8  
  
-Somewhere deep into Ryou's soul room-  
  
Everything around me seems to rot away from this pathetic place. The walls in my soul room slowly shed its tears and plea as they cling to the dark bloody ceiling. This place, this room, is where I retreat to when the world seems angered with me. The pain throbbing in my heart felt like it was going to explode.  
  
I sat curled in the corner of my bloody soul room, lit by ill-flickering candles. I didn't care how weak I was, I continued to sob. My shaky arms wrapped around my scarred legs. I felt cold, naked, and vulnerable. I wish I could end my shattered life right now.  
  
I've been sitting here for who knows how long, nothing can get to me, hopefully not even Bakura. Sure, his soul room is right across mine, but I've been putting up a heavy barrier each time he rapes me. He'd surely get seriously hurt if he even bothered to check on me. I don't want anyone, I don't need anyone, I can stay here in my corner and fade into the darkness.  
  
"Where the hell are you Ryou!?" the voice yelled from the distance. I lifted my head, that sounded like Bakura.. but why would he come here? "We need to talk!" he shouted. I lifted myself up, and stumbled away from his view. I didn't want to speak to him, ever.  
  
I can hear my yami's footsteps splashing in the blood red puddles getting louder. "Where do you think you're going hikari!?" he yelled as he dashed forward, his fingers clenched on to my arm, and pulled my limping figure close. I struggled to pull away from his strong arms, but he was obviously much more stronger then I could ever be.  
  
I leaned forward on his chest, "Why do you care Bakura?" I whispered. I peered at his condition, his chest and arms had cuts and bruises, and his shirt was nearly torn away. "I'm just your weak pathetic hikari," I said closing my eyes. "You were able to get past my mental defenses,"  
  
There was silence. "Ryou, I came for you, I don't want you stuck in this Ra forsaken place," He murmured in my hair, "I killed that moron who barged into the home, he'll never touch you ever again," I felt Bakura's skin growing hotter. "Ryou, my other half, I, er.. um... love you," he hesitated. I lifted my chin up, and eyed him suspiciously.  
  
... Did he actually say that? He did say that before, but his thoughts were clouded up by all that alcohol. His judgment was weak and his mind was unfocused. But this time I can feel the truth in his words. I can feel he really meant it. But, just to make sure..  
  
"You're not drunk again are you yami?" I questioned as I press my hand on his forehead, "I think you're coming down with a fever" Bakura sighed and took my hand away. "Oh come on Ryou! I finally said it seriously and now you're making a mockery out of it!"  
  
I started to smile, something I haven't done in a long time. It was a pretty nice feeling, considering from what I've been through. My dark stared at me like I was some crazy mental patient. I wrapped my arms around Bakura. "I love you too yami, and I seriously hope you mean it this time too," I rejoiced as tears of joy watered my eyes.  
  
My yami embraced me in his arms. His fingers lifted my chin until out lips met. I closed my eyes and responded to his kiss. I loved the magical moment, just me and my yami. The feeling was exhilarating.  
  
Suddenly Bakura's features started to fade. "Yami?" I asked in fear. "Shit! That stupid pharaoh and his brat found me!" He yelled as he backed away from me. I could see through his body as it struggles to stay in this reality. "I'm going out there and deal with the idiots!" He cursed.  
  
A light chain began wrapping around my dark. The chains sent an electrical spark sent pain throughout my yami's body. I watched him fall to his knees. "Yami!" I gasped, I began to approach him. "Don't come near me! Go to the pharaoh! Tell him to stop this stupid act or I'll tear his fucking head off!" He screamed before wincing in more anguish.  
  
I nodded and disappeared from my soul room. Just a while ago I told myself I'd go back to reality again, I never wanted to face anyone again, but in this case, to save Bakura from the pain he's in, I'll do anything.  
  
I opened my eyes; the drowsiness hit me like a ton of bricks. "Bakura," I murmured. I needed to help him. "Yami, Ryou's awake!" the voice of Yugi's rang in my ears. I sat up from the bed; the ring's healthy light was fading rapidly. Yami had his palm on my item.  
  
"What are you doing to my yami?" I quickly spat out at Yami. Yami's face looked confused. "I thought that crazy tomb robber was causing you pain Ryou, I was simply putting a stop to it," He explained.  
  
"Please stop whatever you're doing. Bakura's in a lot of pain," I pleaded as I clinched my fists on the wrinkled sheets. I gazed into Yami's red eyes. The pharaoh sighed, "You care a lot about that tomb robber don't you?" I nodded silently. "I love him, I don't care what he did before.."  
  
Yami sighed, lifted his hand away and scratched his head, "Ryou, How am I supposed to say this?" He mumbled and closed his eyes. I blinked, I gleamed towards Yugi, he didn't seem to know what's going on either.  
  
"Ryou, I'm going to let him go this time, but you need to be free from the clenches of your own yami, he doesn't own you. You've become so vulnerable lately, I'm worried for you, not only me, but Yugi, and your friends are too,"  
  
"Strengthen your bond with Bakura, free your mind and take control, do whatever it takes to get your life back on track, if that tomb robber goes and hurt you like that, I promise I won't be so nice about him next time."  
  
I could hear Bakura rambling and cursing inside the ring at Yami's comment. The tri-colored yami smirked a bit at my ring. 'Wait until I get my hands on that sad-excuse for a pharaoh!!!' Bakura screamed in my head. I sighed at my yami's behavior.  
  
Yami quietly stood up from his chair, "Come on Yugi, we'll leave Ryou with Bakura," He walked to the door, Yugi quickly got on his foot and stumbled behind him, "But Yami? Shouldn't we stay with him?" the small boy asked.  
  
Yami turned his head, "They need some more time together, hopefully Ryou made the right decision about his yami, I truly hope this never happens again," he whispered. The two quietly stepped out of the room.  
  
I watched the duo shut the door. I was alone on my bed with the millennium ring. Its glittering aura brought me warmth. "Daydreaming again hikari?" My widen eyes trailed up towards Bakura's face. I smiled and wiped my tears away.  
  
The wounded silvered hair yami leaned towards me, "Easy to cry, that's always like you," he smiled.  
  
TBC? (Should I continue? I can't think of much to continue with)  
  
-------  
  
More Author's Notes: Ahhhhh! I have to say this, before I rewrote this chapter again and again. I didn't want anyone dead, I didn't want Bakura to be a softie, and there should be a freaking point to this story!!! Bakura's very. OOC isn't he..?  
  
I limited myself to only Ryou's point of view, so when Ryou had his struggles, Bakura has his world of hell to deal with, but that probably won't be in the story, maybe you can use your imagination over there.  
  
I'm not great at writing lemon-ish stuff, and I never wrote a fic where uh. the two lovers are okay with it. Chances when Ryou would be willing to do it again. a long time, he needs to recover some more..  
  
Okay, tell me what you think and feel free to do whatever you want with your new shotgun! (Don't know what I'm talking about? Read the top author's notes)  
  
(by the way, read my quick poem "Obsession" in my list of stories, it's part of this story, only in Bakura's POV before the first chapter of this fic) 


End file.
